A student reaches out with some concerns: They are so poignant, and many practitioners can find themselves in this place, so we are posting it here:
When I first started KMI – SI practice with my novice hands, I had many clients have emotional releases during their series.
Now, I am finding that these emotional releases are not happening, or at least they are not exhibited.
I am questioning myself, what is going on?
My hands are far more sensitive to where the “stickiness” is now than before.
I explain to my client that it is about us working together and that they have some control in the session as to how much they are ready to “take” or experience or release.
I so do not want to be the “pain giver”. and I do not want to be the “decider” or the “controller”. I want them to want to have the release.
However, even as I have gained touch education, I am questioning myself, “Am I as effective?” “Am I ‘giving’ in?” In my efforts to not “push” the uncomfortable parts of the experience am I actually doing a “dis-service” to them?
Please guide me. I know when you (Tom) or Larry worked on me, it was painful. But I was in it for the whole, I was a student of the work and I could trust you because I knew you knew. But what about the client? I don’t have your clout. I want them to walk out saying to their friends, “wow, I feel so much more in my body, and feel free” I don’t want “yeah I feel good, but it was sooo painful”.
I don’t want a reputation of the “pain lady” but I want to help them really get to the bottom of it and “get it OUT’. otherwise, they just revert back to who they were.
I see amazing changes in most of my clients at the end, so I know I am doing the series well, but I am out here to create lasting changes.
When I see them later, If they did NOT let go of the emotional memory in the tissue, they revert to their old pattern and of course they just rebuild what I softened.
So, my question is:
Am I being too “nice”? Do I need to go to the place where they have to “suffer” in order to release?
My saying, “if you become bored, you become boring”.
…..and I most certainly am not bored yet I would love to increase my skills.
We all know that suffering brings a new perspective. Like taking a sauna and sweating, but after the cleansing feels great.
I am just not sure how much to “push it”? Please let me know your thoughts on this.
Thank you for your great question. It is a delicate and fluctuating balance between giving the client control or authority over their own process and being their guide to the terra incognita in their own bodies / selves.
While none of us wants to be the ‘pain giver’, we are also not in the relaxation massage paradigm of simply making the client comfortable. Going into their areas of ‘sensori-motor amnesia’ and fascial stuckness is not pain-free. It didn’t get sticky and forgotten because it was an easy area – these emotionally stuck areas are generally full of fear, guilt, grief, or anger – and more likely a sticky mess of them all.
The level of pain is absolutely in control of the client and the attentive engagement of the practitioner with the process is paramount, but many practitioners arrive at a place where they ‘know what they don’t know’ and pull back from actually opening this new territory, settling instead for comforting the client.
Courage! Yes, there are times when, if you wish to get the release, you must ‘push’ (gently, sensitively, but with the knowledge that ‘it furthers one to cross the great water’) into their tissues, into their non-experienced places. So it doesn’t have to be painful all the time, but you should be building a relationship of confidence with the client so that when you find / see / sense an area that needs to be opened for their psychological / somatic / spiritual fulfillment, you have the courage and the rapport to go there.
But if you don’t want to look at the reversion in six months, it must be rooted out. Yes, the deracination of a pattern can be painful or disturbing, but ‘yeah it felt good but it didn’t last long enough to justify the investment’ is not the reaction we want either.
No one wants to be the ‘pain lady’, but get used to is – people like to exaggerate their experiences, and often these folks refer to you quite often, despite their names. As George Goodheart said of Ida Rolf, ‘You swear at her before you swear by her.”
Of course, if you feel out of your depth with any given client, you can always recommend some therapy to accompany or follow your sessions.
But it is not uncommon to have the fearless luck of the innocent when first starting out, followed by the caution of the ‘sophomore’ – and this is where I think you are right now. Can you find the middle ground – stay informed, but still explore new territory for both you and the client? This way lies release for them and satisfaction for you of a job well and truly done.
Without it, you can still be a good practitioner, as you have seen, but what you are longing to regain is the essence and joy of this work, but now you must mount the horse again with more knowledge.
Thanks for the questioning, and move forward with courage toward the spiritual healing I know you can do. Nothing else is really worth our time and theirs.
—Tom
Tags: emotional release